


The Presence of Hope

by WallofIllusion



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-04
Updated: 2011-07-04
Packaged: 2017-10-21 00:25:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/218791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WallofIllusion/pseuds/WallofIllusion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All he does is charge forward. It's impossible to stop him, so all she can do is try to turn his path before it's too late.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Presence of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Set between chapters 39 and 40 of the manga; spoilers for up to 40. Feel free to take it as romantic if you like, doesn't bother me either way. Also, everyone probably knows this already, but yukata = a thin kimono occasionally used for pajamas; tatami = woven mats (of a standardized size! -not relevant) used in Japanese homes; nii-san = "older brother."

“22,013… 22,014… 22,015…”

Tsubaki was beginning to realize that her patience was not infinite.  At seven o’clock, she’d collected Black☆Star from the infirmary.  At seven-thirty, she’d made dinner for herself and Black☆Star; at eight, she’d covered Black☆Star’s with a paper towel and put it in the microwave; at nine-thirty, she’d moved it to the fridge.  At ten-thirty, she’d changed into her _yukata_.  Black☆Star, on the other hand, had been in the living room since they’d gotten home, doing one-handed handstand pushups.  Tsubaki sat nearby and watched over him.  He counted each pushup, never failing to bark the number despite the strain in his voice.

“22,027… 22,028… 22,029…”

“Black☆Star?  Don’t you think you should go to bed soon?”

“22,030…”  Black☆Star’s rhythm flagged for a moment as he panted to catch his breath.  One drop of sweat was tinged pink with blood as it hit the _tatami_. “22,031…”

“You’re hurt.  Black☆Star, you need to rest.”  _Kid could have killed you today._

Black☆Star rolled his eyes upwards to glare at her.  “22,032.  22,033.”

“Please…”

“22,034.”

“Black☆Star…”  Tsubaki scooted forward and reached her hand towards her meister’s shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” Black☆Star snarled.  The sudden interruption of his rhythm made him waver, though; Tsubaki watched his muscles strain as he tried to regain his precarious balance, but his wavering became more pronounced, not less, and eventually he rolled forward into a seated position.  He breathed heavily, sweat pouring down his lowered face.  After a moment, he made a fist, struck the floor, and let loose a string of expletives that made Tsubaki blush to the tips of her ears.  Running out of breath didn’t deter him; he simply sucked in a new lungful and continued.  Finally, and very suddenly, he raised his face to look at Tsubaki.  “And fuck you, too!”

Tsubaki jumped, not just because he’d sworn at her but because of his eyes as well.  They were wide and bloodshot; the pupils looked deformed, almost star-like, almost—insane.

“The hell do you mean you won’t transform into the Uncanny Sword?  Like hell you won’t!  You’ll transform if I fucking tell you to, and if you refuse I’ll beat you down just like I’d beat down anyone else!”

“You saw the x-ray,” Tsubaki broke in.  “Your soul’s falling apart.  I did that to you, Black☆Star!  I thought I was going to kill you when we were fighting that old man—I can’t do that again!”

“I’m not gonna die!” His fist still ground into the floor, Black☆Star loomed forward.  “I’m gonna surpass God, and until then, nothing is gonna stop me—not you, not death, and not any crazy asshole who thinks he can beat me!”

“Don’t say that, Black☆Star.  You’re not invinci—”

“Shut up!” Black☆Star struck the floor again.  “You sound just like Neigus, you know that?  It pisses me off!  So what if I’m not invincible yet?  I’m not gonna _get_ invincible by just sitting around.  I thought you knew that, Tsubaki!”

“I’m not telling you to just sit around.  You don’t have to stop—I know you can’t stop.  But you need to slow down, or you’re going to destroy yourself.”

“No.  I’m.  NOT!” Black☆Star sprung to his feat.  His face was twisted, teeth bared; he was shaking from head to toe.  “I’m not gonna let anything kill me!  I’m too big to be taken down by any small fry that tries!”

“Those are just _words_ , Black☆Star.  They don’t make any se—!!”  Tsubaki jerked backwards as Black☆Star’s fist flew towards her, stopping millimeters from her nose.  She stared at his trembling knuckles for a few seconds before she could bring herself to shift her gaze to his face.

He was staring at his hand, too, wide-eyed—but not with the furor he had burned with just seconds ago; now he was looking at his hand like it was someone else’s, like he had no idea what bastard would dare try to hurt Tsubaki.  His eyes met hers for a split-second.  Then he turned abruptly and stomped away.

“Wait, Black☆Star!”  Tsubaki scrambled to her feet and followed him.  When she reached him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders to hold him in place.  He stopped obediently and let Tsubaki rest her head atop his. 

“Let’s go away, okay?” she murmured.  “Not for a break.  Let’s just get away from here for a little while, so you have room to think and make your own decisions and be as big as you want to be.  Okay?  I’ve already withdrawn us from classes, so…”

Black☆Star reached up to grasp Tsubaki’s arm.  She could feel his hand shaking.  It was almost a minute before he said in a whisper, “Tsubaki, I think there’s something wrong with me.  Sid says I’m too stupid to do anything but move forward.  He’s right.  I’m standing at the edge of a cliff right now—I know I am, I can feel it—but I can’t stop moving forward.  I don’t even know if want to stop.”

Tsubaki hugged her partner’s shoulders tightly.

 _“I think there’s something wrong with me.”_

 _“Huh?  Don’t be silly, Nii-san.”_

 _“You don’t understand, Tsubaki.  I wanted to…”_

 _She looked at her brother with eyes that didn’t yet believe in evil.  “…?”_

 _“…Never mind.”_

“You’ll be fine,” she said in a whisper that camouflaged the lump in her throat.  Or maybe it didn’t, because he squeezed her arm, so she said it again in a stronger voice.  “You’ll be fine.  You don't need to stop, you just need to find the right way forward.  You just need to go somewhere where no one will tell you what to do, because no one has the right to tell you that.”

“There are things you’re not allowed to do in this world,” Black☆Star said, but it sounded like a question.

Tsubaki allowed herself a small smile.  “Does the man who’s going to overcome God have to be bound by such rules?”

“You said those were just words.”

They were just words, but they were words that Black☆Star believed with all his heart, effective words that drove him to be absolutely unrivaled among their classmates.  “That’s who you are, Black☆Star, and nothing can change that.  Nothing can make you do what you don’t want to.  _You_ have to be the one to decide where you’re going next, and not anyone else.”

Black☆Star was silent for a moment, and then he said, “D’you think you could do the packing?  I want to take a bath.”

“Mm-hmm.”  Tsubaki squeezed his shoulders tightly.  “Your dinner’s in the fridge.”

“’Kay.  Thanks, Tsubaki.”  He pulled himself free of her embrace and disappeared into the bathroom.  When the sound of running water filled the air, Tsubaki allowed her face to crumple.  This plunge, this all-out charge into hell—some part of her heart found it intimately familiar.  She could feel what it was like to stare into that abyss with fear and fascination, and she couldn’t get her brother’s face out of her mind. 

“Please tell me this isn’t hopeless,” she whispered, but the other voice in her heart had never known hope and had no answer for her.


End file.
